I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
