I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
