Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
