Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
