Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
