Farmville is her only friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
