My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this just has baby written all over it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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