Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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