I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
