Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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