Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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