I hate your face
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
