Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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