When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
