I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
