I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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