If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
