I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
