I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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