Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
