did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
