I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
