Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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