White coat. Heels.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
