You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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