mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
