it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize