Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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