She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
