I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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