she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
