how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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