I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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