I puked a lego.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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