if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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