No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
