Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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