I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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