i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He? As in you personified your dick?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
