All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
