I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
