I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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