she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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