yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
