Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
