Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
