I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
