Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
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