before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
