is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
