You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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