paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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