Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
