While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
