Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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