Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
