I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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