Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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