No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
