Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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