Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
